come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
