Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
