You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
