I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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