Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
