he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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