is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
