She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
