speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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