Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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