wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
