we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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