How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
