at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
