I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
