I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize