I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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