ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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