Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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