all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
