so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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