Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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