So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
