After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
