dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
