I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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