Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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