this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
