Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
