just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
