I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
