fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
