Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
