So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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