I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
