Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize