Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
