I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
