At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
