I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
