thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
