First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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