All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
