Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
