Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
