I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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