my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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