You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
