Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I supernannyed him into submission
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
