Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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