Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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