I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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