those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Boobs are out for the taking
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
