Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have fence marks all over my body
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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