Sry I called you an 8
I love black thongs
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
