I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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