see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
