Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
