Having a random hookup so left but love u
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
