the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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