TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Ketchup is God's man juice
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
