My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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