I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
