I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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