I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
