Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize