There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
