i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
