wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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