Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
