My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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