i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
