So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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