Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
