My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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