I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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