so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
