I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize