If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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