Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
