please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
where am i from again
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
