his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
