I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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