come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he thought i was a dude.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
