I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize