I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
