I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
