the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
