where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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