so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
