I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
