I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
