i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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