I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
