I think I won the penis lottery.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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