apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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