Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
