farters have to be the big spoon...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
