..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
