I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
