i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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