but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
