The maid of honor just puked.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
