u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
