My first STD was from a foam party
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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