i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
