She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
