Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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