I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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