White coat. Heels.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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